Sleep

"Not being able to sleep is terrible. You have the misery of having partied all night...without the satisfaction." - Lynn Johnston (1947 - ), For Better or For Worse

Our lazy rainy day about the house playing games, playing Wii, watching a movie, making cookies and just taking it easy is rebelling against me. I am W-I-D-E AWAKE!!! The kids even had trouble getting to sleep. One of them, as it is rarely both together, will arise about 6:30. I will beg for reprieve until 8am. I will likely get it, but as the quote says - I will be one worn out cookie tomorrow. Hoping Mo's baseball is not canceled again because of rain. It may be an afternoon at an indoor playground just to burn some energy off of them. Wish it was that easy for me. I would love to go for a good hike. I am out of shape in a bad way, but the spirit is willing. Suppose to go for a hike next Sunday with a friend, so that is good to look forward to.

OK, now I am entering into tired but cannot sleep babbling. Maybe I should do some work? I do have to start re-writing copy for our web site. Yeah, that would be good. I am sure that will be some of my best work - not! Ugh...this week will be filled with analyzing the website's performance and hits, etc. I hate numbers. I hate math. That part of my brain hurts just thinking about the thinking about it.

more babbling...

Hope you had sweet dreams...and I am not talking about the chocolate chip cookies I just ate, that I should not have eaten as I think I have eaten a dozen all together today.

none of this will end well...

Old Blue Eyes

"I picture my epitaph: "Here lies Paul Newman, who died a failure because his eyes turned brown." - Paul Newman (1925-2008)

"Every time I get a script it's a matter of trying to know what I could do with it. I see colors, imagery. It has to have a smell. It's like falling in love. You can't give a reason why." - Paul Newman (1925-2008)



Took a moment to check my email while the kids put their toys away this morning and saw the news about Paul Newman. How sad I am. I grew up a few towns away from where he lives in Westport, CT and we always hoped we would run into him and his wife, Joanne Woodward. My sister actually knew him a little. She worked at a spa and he was a customer. And once when she was out to lunch she saw him at the deli and he greeted her. He was a good man, a brilliant actor and a tremendous environmentalist. If you have not seen his performance in the movie Cat on a Hot Tin Roof I recommend you do so. His performance is legendary and inspiring. I am a huge Tennessee Williams fan, but this one with its layers of context thrills me. Think I will have to watch it again myself.

Rest in peace, dear Paul. Your legacy is great. Your footprints will remain on this earth for generations to come. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

Elementary School Open House

"The foundation of every state is the education of its youth" - Diogenes Laertius

The kids had Open House at the their Elementary School last night. It was good. I like the principal, and actually, I have seen a marked difference in the school since last year. I am admittedly a snob. I have grown into it I think as it pertains to the education of my children. They are not in the school system I had always dreamed of for them - one that mirrors my own experience in a country suburb. They could have been, but that's a different story. But they do well in school and mostly enjoy it. Except Friday mornings when I bring them and Pickle is not pleased and cries. Ahhh...the joys of shared custody and being a working mother.

But the school has some good programs running this year that shows me their efforts. They have a federal grant to supply fruit and veggie snacks to all of the kids at snack time. I am sure they have found that nutrition is a challenge as it is for the entire nation's youth. Heck, some days I am challenged in getting them the healthiest thing possible in their bags. But through this program ALL the kids get fruits and veggies AND the opportunity to try new things that they may not have before and try things under the peer guidance/pressure of their peers. Mo is in fact excited about trying grapefruit today. And maybe they will get celery one day as I hate it and refuse to even keep it in the fridge (yes, I am weird). And they have good community programs in place to teach respect and responsibility to community and the environment and I like the teachers. I feel better about their school year this year and look forward to getting into the PTA to be more involved. Mo wants to get involved in the school council. Yay my Mo!

They also had a book fair last night. I love those. I could have spent hundreds of dollars on books for them. They each got a couple and a character pen and pencil. Pickle had quick picks - Scooby Doo and a book called Pinkalicious. Mo wanted all things Pokemon, but in the end he got one Pokemon and one chapter book, The Age of Dinosaurs (I think that is what it is called). I love reading with them and seeing them learn and grow. It is my greatest treasure in life. And it makes me feel more secure knowing that their school is making the efforts too.

It will do for now. I still have hopes that come the higher grades I will be in a suburb again where they take a bus and they teach Italian as a foreign language and offer lacrosse and all the other fancy sports. See, snob. But a goodhearted public education snob. I can learn to live with it.

The Red Tent

If men could menstruate ... clearly, menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event: Men would brag about how long and how much.... Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of such commercial brands as Paul Newman Tampons, Muhammed Ali’s Rope-a-Dope Pads, John Wayne Maxi Pads, and Joe Namath Jock Shields—”For Those Light Bachelor Days."" - Gloria Steinem


A few years ago I had the pleasure of reading The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. I loved this book for a few reasons.

1. It took one bit from the Book of Genesis, and expanded upon it with a full story around the woman, not the men. Let's face it - the Bible, new and old, is a patriarchal text. I am not assigning blame or opinion to that, it's a fact. This bit has caused much conversation amongst those of the Christian faith as well as Jewish. Anita Diamant took it and made it a story of the woman, Dinah and the life of a woman in these times.

2. The attention to detail in capturing Dinah and all of the facets of her that make her a brilliant heroine. You could relate so easily to so much of her. It was so very well written and brought an ancient time to life for me.

3. The book celebrates being a woman and the often joked, disgraced or shunned elements of being a woman, our menstrual cycles. The title refers to the tent where women would go and spend their week of their cycle. In there they bonded and supported one another. It was a pat of village life and a revered ritual by all resident, male & female.

I will be honest (for those of you who want to keep track get out your calendars), I am presently having my period. I like to refer to it as mother nature visiting. It disrupts life for a bit. I am achey, fatigued, overly emotional (moreso than usual) I could eat everything and anything that is not nailed down especially if it has salt or chocolate, my skin tends to break out and for some reason my hair just does not curl as well. I will not even get into the ick factors. I am a poster child for Midol. I grew up dreading this time of month. I think all women were/are. There is no positive message out there for us about how wonderful this truly is in our existence as the 'weaker sex'. There is plenty of marketing at us about the best products to use to control those embarrassing vacation moments, the aches and pains, mood swings and what have you. And most of that marketing is done in pastels. But no one is sitting beside us, holding our hands and relating our oneness as women in this time that, for so many women in history, was a ritual. A ritual that brought them together to connect and celebrate what we have the power to bring to this world - life. Not only the actual process of growing life within our wombs but also the role we take on as nurturers, caregivers and teachers.

It is so easy to forget what a gift this is. The time of month that we should give ourselves that extra care and loving attention, recognizing our place in the universe and the influence that we have over our own lives and those lives around us. A time to celebrate - for me celebrating is best done in a hot tub at this time - being a woman. Yeah, it sucks for all the reasons named above. I will also 'joke' that men could not handle it. But as I read this book and have had similar discussions with my friend S, my perspective has changed. This is a part of who I am and who my friends are and makes us so wonderfully whole and unique in our woman-ness. With this in mind, I see this gift, recognize it and welcome it. (with my hot bath not far behind)

I will make a point to teach my daughter that it is a gift and a vital part of our lives. I will sit with her when she is in discomfort and help her navigate through with laughter, tears and an open heart. My son will learn the proper respect for women and the influence and responsibilities he has.This is a good monthly reminder for me too of my own responsibilities to them.I will cut through the clutter that the world brings to us through media and marketing and help them revel in the cycles of our lives and hold appreciation and respect for it and each other.

OK, that was a little deeper than I thought it would be. :)

Womanly stuff aside, this is an excellent story so very well told. I highly recommend it to anyone - male or female. It was a best seller for a reason.

Life Influencers

"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known" - Chuck Palahniuk (1962- ), Invisible Monsters, 1999

It's so very true. The people we have or have had in our lives truly shape who we are. I can easily say my mother and grandmother have truly instilled in me my nurturing, feed them to death, let them leave happier attitude. My dad, my work ethic & impatience for plain stupid people with no clue about the people around them (which gets worse as I get older, just like him). My sister, my avoidance of certain life choices and taste in music. Mo & Pickle's father, well my chance to be a mother and strength. My friends that are so close more strength and laughter of my heart. I could go on and on, for everyone I have ever let in has left their mark upon me and even through heart aches I am such a better person for it. Lessons I have learned about the world and myself through these people are treasures I will cherish for all my days and hopefully gift to my own children and others that meet me along their own paths.

If I had to pick one person as having had the most influence on me it is indeed my mother. For so very many reasons we are very much alike and I am thrilled. And let me tell you - that woman has put in effort on me and always will. We mommies do that you know.

Can you think of traits that you can attribute to certain people in your own life? Think about it a little - you may be surprised who pops into your head. I had a few giggles offline thinking of some things and some good memories now fresh in my mind's eye. This was my drive into work this morning in traffic - sure made it bearable.

The Tale of Desperaux

I am reading a chapter book to the kids. After they rejected Harry Potter I got The Tale of Desperaux. I have seen the book a few times in the book store and it looked cute. A story of a mouse who is different and his adventure in his castle. How cool! I would have eaten up a story like this when I was younger. Bonus - the animated movie is coming out in December! What a great idea to read the book first.

Well...I am not sure what it is, but it seems like books that involve mice or rats or rodentia must be dark. What is up with that? Looking back on my childhood Rats of NIMH, Watership Down - rats and rodentia - dark books. Not happy scampering mice and frolicking chipmunk books. Neither is Desperaux so far. But the kids are liking it as we read 1-2 chapters a night and I try to keep the voices of characters exaggerated as to add some lightness to the story. I know the story has a wonderful message of being different and following your heart - but when Desperaux's brother puts on a black hood and escorts him down to the dungeons to die at the hands of the rats, well, even I was a little concerned.

Plus - who the hell puts the word "perfidy" in a kids book? Even a pre-teen or teen book? PERFIDY! I had to look it up. I am not ashamed to admit it. It means an act of deceit or treachory (see note about Desperaux's brother above for context).

Though one character's name has caught my fancy - a grumpy rat that enjoys torturing human prisoners by befriending them, Botticelli Remorso! It rolls off the tongue...Bottecelliiiii Remooooorrrrso!

Think the next book I pick up for the kids I will have to pre-read. But with what they see in movies and watch on TV, why am I so worried about this book? I dunno. Sometimes to me when it is in writing it feels more serious. I am likely one of the few people that feel that way. Visuals may be more serious for others.

Book fair at the school Open House on Thursday. Mo (blog codename for my son) has scoped out what he wants...the book of tips and cheat codes for video games on the Wii and DS. I should just be happy he likes books I guess. It is still reading after all.

Paths

"To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive." - Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)

It's hard to forge your own path sometimes. But life has shown me lately that it is indeed worthwhile, though not always easy. OK, it's never easy. I have been making choices lately on what I want, what I think is best for me and the kids. Admittedly, I have made a couple of choices in my life that were soul wrenching and not what I wanted, but what I knew had to be done. Not popular with others or myself in some regard, but what was right. I see now how those choices are proving fruitful and I feel stronger than I have in a long time. It's empowering on my path to find and maintain balance in my life. I have good examples to gleen from too. I see friends making their own choices, chasing their own stars be them great or humble. And I see that joy in their lives for choices well made. So I look to my life now and my choices with that positive 'ME' attitude. The kids are better for it, I can see it. And that is the greatest reward of them all. And maybe, just maybe, their paths will be easier if I lead by my own example. I can only hope.

A friend of mine said it very well once when we were in the mountains of NH looking out over the landscape - the difference is in the looking in before looking out. My mind's eye has that image in my head and my heart holds onto those words because it just makes so much simple sense.