Home Sweet Home

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you" - Christian Morganstern


We had a lovely Christmas Eve & Day. I got everything wrapped, I got everything baked and cooked and we had a wonderful day. It feels a bit of a blur now, as it does every year. But I have the vivid memory of smiles and squeals of holiday glee from Mo & Pickle to remind me that yes Virginia, there is indeed a Santa Claus. I did not want for anything material this year. I honestly did not want a thing. What I asked my Santa for was peace - peace of spirit, peace of mind, peace for my heart. And I feel that peace coming just around the bend. But my loved ones were kind enough to grace me with very thoughtful gifts that warmed my heart indeed. I thank them for those, thank you!

Saturday the kids and I went home to my hometown to visit with my parents for a few days. It was wonderful, as always. Not only did we get nice grandparent time (which also includes my mothers letting me sleep as long as I want by occupying the kids) but I also got to visit with lifelong family friends and two school chums. If life permitted I would move back to Monroe to raise the kids. No where else on earth do I feel so at home and at peace. I feel strong and sure and grounded. I hope that 2009 brings me closer to having that in my life up here in the north. And I ran into some people at the Big Y, as I am known to do when I look my worst.

I have been away from home for about 15 years now, have created my own home for my children, but they are always homes with a small 'h'. Home is in Monroe.

Not a creature was stirring...not even a mouse...

"Best of all, Christmas means a spirit of love, a time when the love of God and the love of our fellow men should prevail over all hatred and bitterness, a time when our thoughts and deeds and the spirit of our lives manifest the presence of God." ~Unknown but apparently someone who knows their stuff


Getting ready today for tomorrow, the day that is known as Christmas. I am still baking for A's party this evening. I have to wrap 95% of my presents and clean...yeah, clean. Trying to keep the light of the holiday spirit in my head and my heart, but I find that it is hard and not very easy, it takes effort. Noticeable effort for me. I accept it though and work through it. There's a few reasons, mental, emotional and physiological. And I know that so I can work through it. I am really good at hiding it too from those around me - though my mother always knows. Every year gets a little better though and this year I am so looking forward to seeing the kids faces light up in the morning when they open their presents and to welcome my family and my friend Erik into my home. The people who mean the most to me. Ken, the other person who means the world to me will be here Friday morning. Next year I imagine our families being a little more combined, but this year we will be apart for the day. I will honestly miss him. He better call! (hint!) Ham, homemade mac & cheese, green beans and some chicken curry (for my brother in law) are on the menu with some yummy cheeses and shrimp cocktail. And, yes, you guessed it...cookies! I hope you all enjoy your cookies too!

And with almost 2 feet of snow outside it is a white Christmas indeed!

May the magic of the season bless you and yours with love, joy & peace. And of course...cookies!

Merry Christmas!

Let it snow...let it snow...

"I frequently tramped eight or ten miles through the deepest snow to keep an appointment with a beech-tree, or a yellow birch, or an old acquaintance among the pines." - Henry David Thoreau

We're expecting some snow later today. They are saying 8-12 inches where I live in Southern New Hampshire. Kids have early release from school just to be on the safe side. And more snow for Sunday.

The house is a disaster area of stuff - holiday stuff, kid stuff, my stuff, school stuff...stuff! There needs some purging this weekend for sure.

Went to BB's holiday party last night with the kids to the Museum of Science. It was pretty neat. A little overwhelming with the kids there but it was nice. also nice to meet some of BB's co-workers. We will have to go back to BB's office one day so he can show the kids the labs and all the scientists. Hey, not every day you get a personal tour or the place where they de-constructed the human genome and now are working on cures for cancer and other major illnesses/diseases. That's cool stuff my friends!

The coming of a snow storm always gives the air a feeling of anticipation. You can feel the excitement from kids to adults. I am hoping it is the snow man kind of snow.

Happiness is...

The all ABBA all the time station on Sirius radio. And coming downstairs to find your neighbor shoveling your walk and driveway because he knows you have to go to work.

Happiness is...

Unwrapping candy canes with Mo in the kitchen for making white chocolate peppermint bark, singing Let it Snow and hearing Pickle sing it with me while she is up in the tub.

Joyous Yule

"Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles." ~Author Unknown

Green

"O! beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on" - William Shakespeare


The other night, for the first time I had a full blown jealousy 'thing'. It was an uncomfortable place for me. I typically do not consider myself to be a jealous person, but I have found, yes I am. In some ways this is a healthy thing for me. For some who know me, they understand. But I did not like this feeling. Now the occasion that brought up this demon was warranted with my attention, but I did not expect such a strong reaction. Usually I have been able to keep these things under wraps, but I let it out this time. I had to - or it would have consumed me and a pattern would have begun again. I am glad I did in the end as it opened discourse and led to better and deeper things, but still...the better and deeper could have come without the green. But such is life. Such are relationships - they are worthwhile work.

I now also understand the color choice of green when describing this most toxic of emotions. It made me want to gag. It gave me a headache and it blurred my vision making that which I was seeing and trying to see a rancid hue. I prefer purples & pinks myself and will be trying to stay with those shades.

"There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera dive." - Josh Groban

In the shower am a big breasted black woman who can sing the blues and make a man cry with the swivel of my hips. Amen sistah! Truly I am....

Been a bit quiet on my blog, as you may or may not have noticed. No reason really. Busy I guess. The holiday season has me shuffling along. The kids have me hopping. Work has me busy. BB keeps me entertained. Just in a state of life where it is all happening and not having time to write about it. I am not complaining though. Life is good. Muy bien in fact. Now if I can get my holiday tooshie in gear it will be excellent. I should be able to accomplish that organization over the weekend though amidst a holiday party and such. Fa la la la la...la la la la...

In the meantime, I am off to sing in the shower....

When the power of the web is used for good

This is a very clever lip sync of a song done by an a cappella comedy troupe out of Provo, UT called Moosebutter. It's a great tribute to the musical genius of John Williams.

QoTD

“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.” - Joss Whedon

Who took my money?

"When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is. " - Oscar Wilde

Part of the Clan

"And you’re worried, not because you’re headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won’t approve of you, correct?" - Edward Cullen, Twilight, Chapter 15, p.320

Yep, it happened. I picked up Twilight and I read it in a day, and not just because it was an easy read. I became a 15 year old girl again, hungry for another second of Edward Cullen on the page. Holy ga-moley! So of course, then I HAD to see the movie. insert drool here. Thank god I know that the actor who plays Edward is legal. hubba to the hubba!

I have lots more to say about this phenomenon - around how the story made me giddy, how it borders on teen age erotica, how it is books like this that possibly set up so many young girls for dashed dreams as they enter into real relationships and how these things need to be tempered for the hopeless romantics and passion junkies (like myself). But all of that aside, I am enjoying the stories (I am on book 2 now, New Moon) with full abandon.

After this I will need something hardcore non-fiction to plant my feet with again.

Happy Thanksgiving

"Not what we say about our blessing, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving." - W.T. Purkiser


A heartfelt Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope that you are able to enjoy the day with friends and family and that love and joy fill your heart, and turkey fills your belly.

Laugh until it hurts

"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!" - Monty Python's - The Holy Grail & Spamalot

"Me and the judge have a special relationship... I don't wanna get too graphic but I sucked his d!@* for drugs. " - Role Models, the movie

In the past two days I got to laugh, a lot!

Sunday night D and I went to see Spamalot in Boston. It was a fun show and we laughed out loud. The actor who played Lancelot was brilliant - and eerily reminded D and I of our friend Ben - looks, facial expressions and tone and all. If you can see this show I highly recommend it. It was fun, bright, cheery, well written, staged and everything was splendid! What I would have given to see some of the original Broadway cast of Tim Curry, David Hyde Pierce and Hank Azaria! Boy oh boy!

Before the show we went to Avila in Boston. The restaurant promotes itself as Mediterranean, but we were not overwhelmed with this theme. The food was good, but nothing spectacular. Nice basics. Ambience was nice, service was exceptional and food was solid. I enjoy the holes in the wall with surprise cuisine with strong ethnic flair. This was not it. But the meal was nice and company enjoyable - which always makes the meal.

Then last night, on a whim driving by the cinema en route to Trade Joe's on my way home I decided to screw my chores (sweeping & laundry) and go see Role Models. FUNNY! I put this up there with the funny of Talladega Nights & Wedding Crashers. I was laughing out loud, by myself, in the theatre. OK, the other 4 people there were laughing too. The one liners in this movie are what make it. The story is predictable but with some twists. If you LARP, you will enjoy this as the stereotypes represented are VERY funny and we all know 'that' guy. Though stereotypes, not insulting, in my opinion. I would see this again, and actually would like to take BB. I know he would love it.

Thinking of seeing a movie Thanksgiving Day eve as well - Quantum of Solace & Changeling are two I would like to catch. I am torn in wanting to see Twilight - think I would rather read the books first.

It's good movie season which I enjoy - Fred Claus is out in DVD too now. Have to grab that. Vince Vaughn makes me giggle.

What a tease!

Oh Harry!

QoTD

"Satan trembles when he sees the weakest saint upon their knees." - William Cowper (1731 - 1800)

Old Friends

"Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don't worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you." - Charlie Brown to Snoopy

Amazing how getting back with old friends can make the clouds pull back and futures feel brighter. Last night I had dinner with two old friends from college - people who have seen me high, seen me low and everywhere in between. They know my theatre side, a part of my life that I have all but buried. This means a lot to me as it is a part of my soul and it does not feel completely gone beyond retrieval with knowing that someone else remembers too. We laughed and shared where life has brought us to date. We reminisced and laughed some more. No more Boones Farm and pizza though - it was pinot grigio and sushi. We have all had triumphs and losses and it was good to share those with each other and give/get support. Like a warm comfy shirt - it felt good to slide in for a little while and feel its warmth.

QoTD

"The test of literature is, I suppose, whether we ourselves live more intensely for the reading of it" - Elizabeth Drew, (1935 - )


I feel this way after a good book. It resonates with me for years and I take away a piece of it to live and love in my life better.

The Full Monty

"Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is not." - The Full Monty

This past Sunday I went up to Waterville, ME to see an old friend from college perform in The Full Monty at the Waterville Opera House. It was a sheer joy!

The ride was about 3 hours, but it was nice and easy and BB came along to keep me company. He really had no idea what the show was about never having seen the movie. He was delighted and said he has not laughed that much in years. The story centers around laid off factory workers who decide to start a strip show, like Chippendales, to make some money and decide to go full monty as part of the marketing pitch. Their relationship, parenting, and self-esteem troubles play into the ensemble cast. Admittedly, I like the movie better than the stage production - but both tell a great story. Terrence McNally was part of the crew to bring the story to the stage, so I knew it would be good.

The cast of this production was strong, but I felt that some of the acting performances were weak. This could be because we saw the very last show of the run, and I understand how energy can fluctuate when you are doing a show. The guy playing the lead was a fantastic singer, but his acting felt inconsistent. He lost believability for me with that. My friend Todd played Dave, the 'fat bastard' of the group. He was a natural for the part - sarcastic, loving and loyal with a killer voice to boot. And I am not saying that because I am biased. The rest of the ensemble held their own and the women did a great job keeping up their end of the bargain. I am a huge fan of community theatre as it showcases local talent - and lots of talent there usually is, Waterville, ME is no exception. The sets were also well done as was the lighting. My only big disappointment was the sound for the final number - seemed that they lost some of the mics so it did not have the power behind it it could have. The cast was a little overwhelmed by the pit band on that one. But those men....they did...they did indeed go full monty! A bunch of older women were in the audience...I thought for sure we would have at least one coronary.

The Waterville Opera House is also a New England gem. Intimate and ornate. It is in the city hall so you can blink and miss it driving by (like we did). But it is sweet and I am looking forward to going back up with the kids to see Beauty & The Beast in the spring. Todd is co-directing.

This coming Sunday I going to see Spamalot in Boston with D. Should be fun. I have been looking forward to seeing that for a while now.

New Beginnings

"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. " - Erma Bombeck


I am happy to report that my online dating adventures are now done. Did I meet Prince Charming in the crazy netherworld of online dating? Why, yes I did. But I met him April 13, 2007. BB and I have decided to give it another go. It appears that my lunacy has not completely frightened him away and his absence has taught me some very important lessons about myself and that crazy little thing called love. So we are in a fun spot - the newness of a relationship but also well aware of negative traits too and very few meet new people moments.

So I had to laugh when I saw this quote for today. Not only because it is truly applicable to my life, but also because not only do I share my dreams with BB, I involve him by talking in my sleep. Oh yeah. That would have been me telling him Friday night that someone was in the window (fyi - my bedroom is on the 2nd floor) and then Saturday night I apparently just yelled out "Mom!" and went right back to sleep. Wait until I sleep walk...then the fun really begins!

This did lead to an interesting question...if no one is with us, do we still talk in our sleep?

Think about it.....

QoTD

"Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is." - Maxim Gorky

Love and the Right to Love

"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" - Ernest Gaines

Watching the Tide Roll Away

"They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse." - Emily Dickinson (1830-1886)

While in Maine yesterday, I took a walk out on the jetty and sat at the end by myself watching the tide come in. I closed my eyes and breathed in the salt air, felt the mist, listened to the ocean and the birds and I thanked God for that moment, these friends, my children, this time in my life where it is all coming together and I can feel my soul (re)emerging. I understand who I am and I know what I want - and more importantly, what I do not. I see so much wonderful ahead of me shining in its simplicity. I feel the challenges of my past transform into the lessons my soul needed to grow. Anger and bitterness releasing (though I still hold onto sarcastic and annoyed humor - not perfect, but trying after all) I spoke these words out loud and sent them to heavens with all sincerity of purpose, from the depths of my heart - 'Thank you'.

Then on my walk back to the house, to join my friends again, I found a rock. I found the most perfect rock. It is about the size of a silver dollar, flat and smooth. It sits in the center of my palm adding just enough weight so I know that it is there, it's texture and cool feel a calming and balancing effect. It reminded me of a card A recently gave me that is now framed and hanging in my bedroom - it says that the most beautiful rocks have been tossed and turned and polished bylife's roughest storms. When I picked up this rock I was overwhelmed and felt tears well in my eyes. For when I stopped and reached for this rock, lying alone in the sand, no other elements around it to detract from its presence, I distinctly heard God's voice say "You're welcome".

The Healing Effects of Salty Air

...and a lot of red wine :)

Heading to Maine this weekend to spend a couple of days with friends to celebrate and commemorate the ending of a truly glorious LARP run of Radiant Dragon. There will be about 10 of us at the house that is right on the water. I love it there and am so blessed to have friends who invite me to share their family home. I volunteered to make breakfast both days for everyone. Looking forward to it. It also justified my purchasing a new waffle iron. woot! In making the apple spice cake this morning I reveled in the sound of the knife cutting through the apples and the clink it made when it met the wood of the cutting board. Feeding a bunch of friends will make me very happy this weekend. So will reading my book on the porch in some salty air and taking a nice long walk on the beach and jetty. I hope it is chilly enough to bundle up a little.

Serenity now! :)

QoTD

"Our lives teach us who we are." - Salman Rushdie (1947- )

QoTD

"Mustard's no good without roast beef." - Chico Marx, (1891-1961)

QoTD

"Regret is the insight that comes a day too late" - anonymous


I have very few, if any, regrets in my life. For I have always tried to live my life with no regrets, trying to follow my heart as true as I can and take the consequence as lessons. Even the hardest and most painful decisions I have not regretted knowing, deep inside my soul, that it was right. But I have realized one in the past week or so I do indeed have one regret. Hoping it is the only one I will have on my list when I meet St. Peter. Also hoping I can, well, have it turn out ok. Shakespeare's comedies are like that no? Some drama and trauma and then through clowns and lovers it all comes out true and good, right?

Rachel Getting Married - the movie

So after a brief comedic episode of my online dating adventures (quick synopsis: 2nd date, drinks and apps, topics started repeating themselves, questions were being re-asked, gave him the opening for a good night kiss - tight lipped peck that ended with him giggling...need I say more?)...anyways...after this I decided to salvage my evening with a good movie at the local 'indie' theatre. (admittedly I was thinking about the movie half way through the date too hoping I could make the 8:10 show). I went to see Rachel Getting Married, with Anne Hathaway. If you are a serious cinema lover I cannot recommend this movie highly enough.

Directed by Johnathan Demme, the movie was an in depth, gloves off look at a family that is strained on various levels by the drug addiction and narcissistic behaviors of their daughter - played BRILLIANTLY by Anne Hathaway. Her co-lead, Rosemarie Dewitt, player her sister - Rachel was also impressive and moving. I felt for her. The story centers around her sister's nuptials. This was a tough look into addiction and the effects it has on families and the love that keeps us so tightly connected.

In the theatre or rented this is not a waste of your time. I am now even a bigger fan of Anne Hathaway and look forward to what she will bring us in future years.

I speaketh only truthism...

Dontchya just wish that some days you can throw something very heavy through a plate glass window and kick and scream and cry until you drop from exhaustion and someone picks you up and holds you and tells you - it's ok to feel that way? I want that day. I want that day when I do not have to be strong for anybody and it's ok to tell the world "This sucks and you know it sucks so say it with me...THIS SUCKS!"

See...just typing that felt better...

QoTDs

All I have today are other people's words...


"Make voyages! - Attempt them! - there's nothing else..." - Tennesee Williams (1911-1983), Camino Real

"We are most alive when we're in love." - John Updike (1932- )

The Secret Life of Bees - the movie

"Never judge a book by its movie." - J.W. Eagan

The other night I had the rare treat of seeing a chick flick with A. She made a yummy dinner, Mexican Lasagana (insert drool here) and then we headed out for a 7:35pm showing of The Secret Life of Bees. The movie is based on the novel by Sue Monk Kidd, which I adored.

The movie, as predicted, did not live up to the beauty and splendor of the book. It was a nice story for a movie and the actresses all did a fine ensemble job (Queen Latifah, Alicia Keyes, Jennifer Hudson & Dakota Fanning), but the soul of the book, so perfectly delivered in the written word was lost in translation.

I highly recommend that you read this book, and bring a highlighter as some of the verse is quite wonderful and you may want to remember it - my highlighter got much use. As for the movie, wait for the rental.

QoTD

"There will be a time when loud-mouthed, incompetent people seem to be getting the best of you. When that happens, you only have to be patient and wait for them to self destruct. It never fails." - Richard Rybolt

I am a patient woman :)

QoTD

"Ask yourseld: Have you been kind today? Make kindness your daily modus operandi and change your world." - Annie Lennox

Seven Layer Pie

L reminded me this weekend that I need to post this recipe for Seven Layer Pie. So here it is. Some of it is a little different than what we made. Changes made on recommendations and observations of our blind attempt. This, my friends, is what you get when you forget the limes at the check-out to make key lime pie. Well, it's what you get when you are in my kitchen looking through the cupboards for a back-up plan anyways.

Enjoy!

SEVEN LAYER PIE
- graham cracker crust (homemade or store bought)
- Jello Instant Chocolate Pudding (larger box)
- Milk per instructions on Jello box
- 1 cup toasted coconut plus a bit for topping
- 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips plus a bit for topping
- 1 cup Heath bar bits (you can smash bars or get the bits in the baking section) plus a bit for topping
- 1 cup chopped walnuts plus a bit for topping


1. Make the Jello according to box instructions for the pudding (not the pie method).
2. Take 1/3 cup each of the coconut, chocolate chips, Heath bits & walnuts - spread a layer on the bottom of the crust.
3. Take the Jello and spread half on top of the above layer.
4. Repeat a layer of #2
5. Spread the rest of the pudding on this middle layer.
6. On top of the final layer of pudding, spread the rest of the coconut, chocolate chips, Heath bits & walnuts
7. Now take the Cool Whip and top the pie off with a layer of Cool Whip
8. Garnish top of pie with sprinkling of extra bits - coconut, choc chips, Heath & walnuts
9. Refrigerate for at least two hours to set.

And yes - I had all of this in my pantry, except for the cool whip, but that was just a quick walk to the convenience store.

Happiness is...

"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'" - Frederick Collins


For me, happiness is being the latter person in the above quote.

New Cook Books

"A room without books is like a body without a soul." - Cicero (106BC - 43BC)

I should know better than to go to a bookstore when I am annoyed or upset. I impulse buy. Now...it could be worse. I can easily justify venting my frustrations on the purchase of pages of sweet delight. But it can get dangerous. Fortunately for me yesterday, my venting was taken out on the clearance rack of delicious cook books. I got cook books on curries, Thai dishes, cookies, baking in general and bread and an overall holy cow compilation of recipes. I spent a total of $27. Not bad for these delightful 4-color treasure chests. But I know why I bought them, I was quelching some anger and frustration and went to the 2 things that make me so very happy - books and cooking. What got me to that point? A 'conversation' with Pickle & Mo's father. I will leave it at that, for I have vented my frustration into the cook books and have moved on. After all, I cannot hold anger against the ignorant after all.

Looking forward to making some homemade scones and foccaccia now.

QoTD

"The lesson which life repeats and constantly enforces is 'look under foot'. You are always nearer the divine and the true sources of your power than you think." - John Burroughs (1837 - 1921)

Daily OM

I found the language of this especially inspiring and beautiful.

October 23, 2008
Traveling Companions
Birds fly in a V

As they swoop, drift, and glide, inscribing magnificent patterns across the sky, birds are serene displays of grace and beauty. Long a source of inspiration, birds can be messengers from the spirit realm, or a symbol of the human soul, as they cast off their earthly mooring and soar heavenward. An upturned wing, a graceful flutter, all so effortless and free... More magnificent still is the inspiring sight of birds migrating, progressing steadily across the horizon in a solid V formation that is a singular pattern too unique to be mere chance.

Pushing steadily forward, this aerodynamic V reduces air resistance for the whole flock. With wings moving in harmony, the feathered group continues its course across the sky, covering more ground together in community than as individuals. When the bird at the front gets tired, she will move to the rear of the formation where the wind drag is lowest, and a more rested bird can take her place.

By learning from the example of our winged guides, all of us can feel empowered to take on daring challenges as we chart adventurous courses. Feel the strength of others moving alongside you, as their presence lends power to your wings during this journey across the sky of life. When buffeted by unexpected gusts, we can choose to find refuge in the loving shelter of friends and family. We may even marvel as an otherwise difficult day passes by like a swift wind, as a kindred spirit charts a way for us through the clouds and rain ahead. If your wings begin to ache on your journey, look around for somebody else to fly at the front for a while. All of us move faster when we move together. Let your ego drop earthwards as we all soar ever higher.

Happiness is...

Getting a set of king size flannel sheets, normally $87.99, on sale for $36!

snuggly!

Happiness is...

Not shopping in the plus section anymore.

The Poisonwood Bible - review

"I wonder that religion can live or die on the strength of a faint, stirring breeze. The scent trail shifts, causing the predator to miss the pounce. One god draws in the breath of life and rises; another god expires." - The Poisonwood Bible, Adah, pg. 141

I just had the honor of finishing this book. From the first page I was enraptured with the language that was vivid and fluid. I started to read this book on a 6am flight to Austin, TX. So I read it a few pages at a time as my eyes took little rests. But it kept even a sleep deprived me engrossed. The way the author, Barbara Kingsolver, goes between the perspectives of the characters is well done. She gets in a loves rhythm where their individual stories create a rich tapestry. One of the things I found most interesting was her choice NOT to include the perspective of the father, whom is the antagonist of the story. This was a most wise decision. You hated him and also had sympathy for him - enough of both without hearing his side of the story. You got that from the stories of the daughters and the wife, all who loved him differently. We can all look at our own families in truth and see those differences in how siblings love their parents. I know that my sister and I have solidly differing perspectives on some of our upbringing.

Learning some history of the Congo and Africa was interesting as well. I want to go back and read more about it. African history, so significant to the world, yet so lacking in my education. (apparently)

I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone who loves a good solid story. I was even pleased with the ending, which often disappoints a reader when the rest of the book was so satisfying. This ending left me feeling complete and happy to leave the characters to their lives without me looking over their shoulders.

When Fu Lions Retire

"One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it." - Oogway from Kung Fu Panda


So....*sigh*....Radiant Dragon ended this past weekend. I am a little sad. It was a great 4 years - stress of staffing an event and all. It was a thrill to be a part of a LARP that player base received so warmly.

We were cleaning out costumes, supplies, props and dress settings after the event and I rescued our Fu Lion that stood guard over the gong that signaled a character's death and entrance to the Yama Kings for the 3 years of the campaign. He's nifty and now stands guard at my front door. Because he is in retirement he wants to have a little fun. So after a long discussion he and I decided to dress him up for Halloween. Ain't he cute? :)



Now for a name....hmmm....I will name him Shaoqiang which means strong and profound! And the little guy will be...Bo.

:)

QoTD

"Life is like getting dropped off in the middle of the woods, and then year by year, gradually walking home." - April Foiles

QoTD

"People often say that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder', and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including in ourselves." - Salma Hayek

This quote of the day I think really speaks for itself today. As Mike Meyers would say ... "Talk amongst yourselves".

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

"An anniversary is a time to celebrate the joys of today, the memories of yesterday, and the hopes of tomorrow." ~Author Unknown


Today marks the 42nd anniversary of my mom & dad.

I adore my parents and as I have grown into adulthood facing adult challenges in relationships and family I have discovered so much more about my parents and the depths of their love for one another. They were never an overly affectionate couple with one another but there was always love. They never hid their kisses from my sister and I. Lord knows I heard them once too often. (Why do parents always have sex on nights when you cannot sleep - like Christmas Eve?) I have also learned about their trials as a couple. Yes, they are cranky with one another now that they are older and no kids are around - faults and bad habits are magnified. But underneath the banter there is love. I also learned that when I was much younger they almost split. WHAT?! I never knew. Back then divorce was much different; life was much different. I am so glad they worked it out. So are they, btw, I checked :) And when my father broke down into tears when we heard that my mom's tumors were benign, and when my mother ripped a nurse a new one when my father was not getting the care he deserved after his heart attack in the hospital - I saw the depths of their love and true devotion and I made a silent wish to find that for myself one day.

I could go on and on with the sappy sentiment, but why bore you. Simply put - Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad! your love gives me hope, strength and faith!

Online Dating

"You have to figure...if the world's fattest twins can find love, there's hope for all of us. Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us, understand us, and kiss our 3 heads and make it all better" - Carrie from 'Sex in the City'

Letterboxing

"Only the curious have something to find." - unknown

The kids and I have discovered a new fantastic hobby, Letterboxing. D mentioned it to me and I checked with another friend that has done it as well. She turned me onto the website and, well, we're hooked!

Here is the Wikipedia description of Letterboxing: Letterboxing is an outdoor hobby that combines elements of orienteering, art and puzzle solving. Letterboxers hide small, weatherproof boxes in publicly-accessible places (like parks) and distribute clues to finding the box in printed catalogs, on one of several web sites, or by word of mouth. Individual letterboxes usually contain a logbook and a rubber stamp. Finders make an imprint of the letterbox's stamp on their personal logbook, and leave an impression of their personal stamp on the letterbox's logbook — as proof of having found the box. Many letterboxers keep careful track of their "find count".

Friday we went and got our little journal and ink pad and compass (which I need to learn how to use). The kids were still not fully convinced of the fun of my scheme, but they were playing along. They are good to humor me.

The first one we went to was Gilson Rd. Cemetery in Nashua. I read the web sites and apparently this cemetery is suppose to be very haunted. Now, before you call DSS on me for trying to scare my kids, please note that I did not mention this to the kids. No words of haunted or ghosts ever came out from my lips. Not to sound like a quack, but I do believe in that stuff and have had a few of my own 'encounters'. I sensed that this place had something, but it did not scare me. It was 12 noon after all. Far from 'witching hour'. Pickle sensed something too for as time went on with our search she got less comfortable. Anyways...we'll discuss my daughter's and my uncanny psychic abilities some other time (haha)...we followed the directions and the only thing that threw us was reading the compass for 280 degrees. Huh? We read the rest of the instructions and tried to see if we could do without that small detail. Well, by Mo's amazing Scooby like skills he found the rock the box was hidden under and we were victorious!

The kids, and I, are hooked! Mo demanded we do another one right away. So off we went to Silver Mines Park in Nashua.

At the next park we met up with a family on their own quest. We chatted and they too had been to Gilson Rd. Cemetery. Apparently their compass went haywire spinning! I would now like to blame ghosts and not my inept compass abilities. They seem to be having a great time with it and told us of other places in Nashua and the area. The three of us cannot wait now to get our own stamp to leave behind as our mark and search out other places. What fun!

Here are a few pictures of our adventure today...and I will say it again...I love New England!

Here we find our first box at the cemetery. The kids liked how we had to stay low and try to keep our finding it a secret, in case others were coming to find it themselves.


The custom stamps people do are quite impressive!



Box #2!


Pickle is victorious with a Bunny stamp!


And my favorite part of our adventures today? Spending time with my kids in the outdoors.


We are planning on a big day of letterboxing in a couple of weeks. Can't wait! Have to get it in before the snow all comes. We'll figure out some new adventures for those days when they come.

Definition of Family, Meaning of Friend

" Family isn't about whose blood you have. It's about who you care about." - Trey Parker & Matt Stone, South Park, Ike's Wee Wee, 1998

I am one lucky woman. I have an amazing immediate family, but I am blessed with an extended family that is still intact after my divorce. Yesterday I was thrilled to attend the 90th birthday party for my ex-husband's, step-father's mother - Nana Nellie. She is a spry Yankee who is sharp and witty and pretty good physically too for 90. It was fun to see pictures of her as a young woman - so glamorous in the 40's! And it was very nice to catch up with 'family' that I have not seen in several years.

Divorce not only effects the husband, wife and children of the divorce - it ripples to the relatives and friends that have built a community around that couple. I knew that with my actions and it saddened me knowing how many people would be effected. And I would be lying if I said it did not make me sad to think how I may lose some people that I had come to care about a great deal over the years. But, in my case, that family I can still call part of my own. It has been made very clear to me that, like the mafia, I cannot get out that easily. This warms my heart and also makes keeping them involved in the lives of my children (which is VERY important to me) that much easier.

At the party I visited with cousin-in laws and aunt-uncle-in laws and extended family from there. We oohed and aahed over how big the kids were getting and how old we all are. My former mother-in law kept introducing me as her daughter in law. We laughed that that title may get touchy if my ex re-marries. She said, nope I always will be. Cool! I will finally be 'Wife #1' - I joke...I joke....

Everyone is doing well, some trials and tribulations all around, but such is the ride of life. And we all gathered around Nellie for a family photo. I got pulled in too. It was a wonderful feeling too when, with true sincerity, family told me upon our farewells not to be a stranger. I promised I would not. (With all due respect to my ex of course. Sadly, he never established the same relations on my side.)

And one person in particular stands out amongst all of this. My 'sister in law', my friend, my college roommate - Ericka. I have a blood sister, but Ericka is my sister too. We have not seen each other for almost 6 months, though we talk several times a week. This weekend we got to spend some much needed time together with our kids together and alone. It was wonderful! I love her so very much. She keeps me on the straight and narrow and is a constant reminder of my 'fighting spirit'. If I was ever going to box, she would be in my corner psyching me up to kick someone's a$@. And, well, she actually does that all the time anyways. Here's a fun shot of us from today at the pumpkin picking hay ride (note: another GORGEOUS New England Autumn Sunday afternoon!)


And here's a shot of horses from the hay ride, Ben & Jerry. Sooo pretty! Even they are part of the family being owned by my father-in law's cousin! (it never ends I tell ya!) ;)



Family, some God has chosen for me, some I have chosen for myself, some have chosen me for them. Anyway you slice it - I and the kids are very blessed.

Happy 90th Nellie! I pray to God I am as spry as you are at that age and I look forward to your 100th!

Patience

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino (1923-1996)


It is hard to believe when you feel like your life is at its lowest and bleakest that it can ever get better. Yet somehow with time, strength, courage and love it always does. It just takes a little patience.

As patient as I am with some things in my life, I am not patient with shifts or change that I am working on. I figure I made the decision and my choices are working towards this new goal and purpose, well, karmically I should be rewarded ASAP! Mmm....not so much. This is a hard lesson to swallow. But in taking the time in 'the darkness' to refer back to the quote, we can understand things about ourselves that make the journey and the goal that much more rewarding.

I will not lie and I will put it out for the whole wide internet to know, I have struggled with clinical depression, battled against post-partum depression and made my way through a couple of life choices I would rather not have had happen. And in those darkest of times I discovered things that make me see stars now more than I ever have. It's important for us all to take every experience - good, bad or otherwise - and take it as an opportunity to know ourselves better, push our perceived limits and see our true depths. Like I said, it ain't easy and can downright suck. But taking those opportunities can only lead to truer things. And you never have to do it alone - even when you feel at your most alone. I guarantee there are friends and family around you building the ladder to the star you desperately seek right now! Let them. One day you will build one for them too.

Daily OM

This came through my Daily OM email today and I thought it timely and finely written. It makes it all sound so simple...maybe the secret is that it really is. Wouldn't THAT be a kick in the pants?!


October 9, 2008
Answering The Call
Taking Responsibility For Your Destiny

There are those of us who believe that our lives are predestined and that we should resign ourselves to our lots in life. Yet the truth is that it is up to each one of us to decide what that destiny will be. While each of us is born with a life purpose, it is up to us whether or not we will say yes to fulfilling it. And just like when we choose what to eat, who to keep company with, and whether to turn right or left when we leave our home everyday, choosing to say yes to your destiny is a decision that can only be realized when you take action to make that choice a reality.

Whether you believe it is your destiny to be a parent, an adventurer, an artist, a pioneer, or a spiritual guru, saying yes to your destiny is only the first step. While manifesting your destiny starts with knowing what you want and believing you can attain your goals, there are then the actions that must be taken and the decisions to be made before your destiny can truly happen. When you take responsibility for fulfilling your destiny and begin acting with the intention of doing so, you not only take fate into your own hands, but also you become the hands of your own fate. Doorways inevitably open for you to step through, and every choice you make can be a creative act toward realizing your goals and dreams. You begin to follow your instincts and intuition, recognize opportunities when they are presented to you, and seize those golden moments. You also begin to recognize the decisions that may not serve this greater picture and can more easily push them aside.

Remembering that the decision to fulfill your destiny is always a choice can be empowering. Knowing you are fulfilling your destiny because you want to, rather than because you have to, can make a huge difference. When you are freed from obligation, obstacles in your way become challenges to be overcome, and the journey becomes an adventure rather than the obligatory steps you are being forced to take. Your destiny may be waiting for you, but whether or not you meet your destiny is up to you. Your fate is in your hands.

Dating

"Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish." - Ovid (43BC - 17AD)

Do you think Ovid would mind if I applied this wisdom to online dating? Well, for the sake of my world...let's!

I did it, I put up a profile on Match.com and Yahoo!. Let the games begin! I want to date, I want to meet new people. Trying different things to get myself out there and online is the easiest right now. Like catalogue shopping from the comfort of my own sofa. It's nerve racking though as there is always that layer of question and removed context with emails and profiles. Gah! I am looking at it as fun for now though. What do I have to lose really?

It is also a plentiful pool for humor. I am sure I will have many stories as my adventure unfolds.

Ay yay yay...what am I doing?! Any advice out there?

And for my readers who know me - feel free to matchmake!

Let the games begin!

QoTD

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." - Thich Nhat Hanh

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." - Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)


These two quotes resonated with me this morning. Though they may seem to address different mindsets, for me they are closely tied. I have found recently how liberating the power of forgiveness is and the joy that comes from the painstaking act. Let's face it, some forgiveness is painful as the power is within yourself and you may not get closure with the other person. Forgiveness of self is important and even more empowering in fact. Though I am far from perfect, my heart has forgiven not only myself, but others in need of my forgiveness recently. (they may not know it, but they needed it). I did this not for them but for someone much more important - me. And since I have made this decision in my heart I have found more joy and others have noticed a shift in me and see the joy in me as well. I especially see it in my relationship with my kids. Joy brings more joy - of which I hope I can continue to share with those in my life and myself.

The best forgiveness I have given myself as of late, in fact, was forgiving myself for not having folded two hampers of laundry last night. Oh so liberating! Tonight however is a different story...

Poem

After thinking of Robert Frost from my hike this Sunday, I went in search of more poems by the good man. I had forgotten how wonderfully New England he is. This one resonated with me this morning.

Nothing Gold Can Stay
by: Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Sunday in New England

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And it has made all the difference." - Robert Frost, A Road Not Taken

Yesterday I had the joy to take a good autumn hike with my friend, D. Weeks ago when I knew I would be without the kids this particular Sunday we set it up. I have been making a serious endeavor to get outside more and be more active and D has been helping me see this through and inspiring me with his own tales of outdoor adventure. So I figured not only is he good company, but he is experienced and I have less chance of getting lost or maimed or attacked by a serial killer.

We decided on the Ward Hill Reservation in Andover, MA. Originally I suggested Wachussett Mt. but D, in his sage foresight, thought a less mountain like hike would be better for the day. Though I have dropped about 2 sizes (booyah!) I am still far from 'in shape'. And D is getting old :P So Ward Hill it was! I got up, had some breakfast, watched an episode of Fringe on my DVR (Love this show btw! Early Xfiles feel), put on my new hiking boots and gear with much excitement. I want take this moment to booyah! again at my putting on my new hiking gear. My boots are great, my socks are comfy but I also came upon the sales rack at EMS and had new pants and a vest. What is so booyah! about this you ask? Well, though I have always liked the styles and clothes and EMS I have always been too big to fit into them. EMS does not have a 'plus size' rack for the ladies. But my loyal readers - this time things fit!!! It's nice to have such a positive shot in the arm to see that my new lifestyle choices are paying off. My blood pressure is lower too so all is good! And I looked cute, if I do say so myself. Mental note: go back to EMS and talk more with sales guy Brian...

Sorry, back to the hike...

Left the house, got some coffee at DDs where the drive-through guy told me how pretty I am. I was very flattered, but he is kind of creepy. But! I was gracious and will take that with a smile. D & I met at 9:30 in Lowell and made the rest of the way up in his truck. The skies were looking cloudy, but rain was not in the forecast so I had no fear.

D printed out a map of the trails. And thank God he did, let me tell you. Without that map we would have been lost several times double backing on trails and cursing the marking gods. Oh wait! We were doing that WITH the map! I had to laugh several times that D was there to make sure I was on trail and safe and...well, he was getting us lost. To his credit though, the map was a little confusing and the orange trail, though elusive, it does exist...eventually. Luckily he remembered his whistle/compass/thermometer in his pack and we were able to get ourselves on track. Note: it was about 70 degrees in D's fanny pack. The things you find out about your friend's bums when on a hike :P

The hike was spectacular with just enough strenuous parts to make us feel like we earned it. The views from the hills were nice of Boston and the county. In a week or two autumn will be in full bloom and it should be even prettier. I am hoping to take the kids back at that time. We hiked for about 4 hours and must have covered 3-5 miles. It felt great physically, emotionally, spiritually. The smells of the wood, the details of the habitat and the sounds of nature around us (minus the hum of I-93 in the background at the edges of the reservation) were inspiring. My quote of the day is inspired by a fork in the path we came upon early. D and I both immediately thought of Robert Frost. Humorously enough, that was fork #2 that we chose the wrong path...but we got back on track in good course. And as always it was good to spend time with D. We laugh easily together and have good conversations about deep life issues like choices and paths - to the mundane and ribald like proper fart etiquette on hike or climb. Good times!

Here are some pictures of the hike and what we encountered.

Some beaver work! You could see little teeth marks!

There were a lot of mushrooms long the path. Maybe from last week's rains? But this bunch stood out! The orange is vibrant in the photo, but it was almost dayglo in real life and the shapes and curves were near perfect. Amazing what nature does all on its own.

I always look up at the trees to see the sky through their canopy. And it never disappoints.

Another choice. But here there is at least a sign with some directions! Did you know men do not like to read direction in the woods either?


The walk bridge across the swamp. It was mucky! But we did catch a couple of frogs poking their heads up through the slime. Also found a beaver dam and lodge nearby.



I love the reflection in the water here. This was the pond/lake waiting for us at the end of the bog walkway. Just imagine it in a few weeks with golds and reds making the water look as if it is on fire! I may have to go back just to get a picture to re-post.


Some hot babe we encountered on the trails. She was clever too - she liked to read signs and maps along the way.

At one of the summits is a landmark - Elephant Rock on Boston Hill. Now...I see an elephant lying on his side, his trunk outstretched to the right. D insists he sees no elephant. What do you think? We took a little break here and an elderly couple with two gorgeous golden retrievers passed us by. The couple were wearing matching blue baseball hats. They were so cute. One day I hope to have someone to wear corny blue matching hats with when I have white hair.

At the second summit, Holt Hill, there is a pretty Solstice Circle and you can see the Boston skyline. We were greeted by two young men jamming on their guitars. It was a nice serenade for our lunch.

The music attracted a deer to the circle. It felt a bit magical.


Some of the trails are very close to residences and cuts through what appears to be a functioning farm with some hay fields. This was the classic New England scene that greeted us as we ended our day. It's shots like this that remind me, I could never leave New England for very long.

So what does a girl do with the rest of her Sunday after some good time with a friend in the bounty of Mother Nature? Stop at the mall, watch the Pats win, flip between the Sox game and a chick flick (Must Love Dogs) and make an apple pie of course! I should have sorted all the clothes from summer to winter between I and the kids that are piling up in my bedroom - but I chose the path that led to my couch, and today, it has made all the difference.

Happy Birthday

"Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." -Elizabeth Stone

Today is my son Mo's 8th birthday! On this day at 1:04am EST my beautiful baby boy entered into this world after about 2 1/2 hours of non-epidural relieving pushing. (Bless his little soul and big head!) My life has been transformed in oh so many ways since that day and one day, when he can understand the magnitude, I will thank him.

Mo and I had a nice hour to ourselves this morning while Pickle was at gymnastics with her dad. connecting with him one-to-one is very important to me and he relishes the time as well. Then the grandparents arrived and off to baseball we went. Them from there home for quick lunch and off to his Olympic themed party. He had a great time running around the field playing games with his friends. His dad did a nice job on the 5 ring cake (literally - there were 5 cakes joined as the olympic rings) and organizing the games. Mo also made out like a bandit with a plethora of Star Wars toys to keep him busy for quite some time. All the kids seemed to have fun. I did too. It was nice to have my family around me.

Then this evening I celebrated my sister's 40th birthday, which is next week - dinner with her, her husband and my folks. As much as some things about my sister really bug me (like all siblings I am sure) I love her and am so very proud of her. It was a nice meal and we laughed. I love laughing with my family.

It was one of those days when you look around and thank God for your blessings and all the other things that make life muddled melt away. I miss the kids tonight, especially as it is Mo's birthday as they are with their father. But I will get by with some time in front of my lover...the DVR.

Happy Birthday Mo & Missy! Love you!

Election of our lives

"I'm not going to quit. Why should I quit? This country is worth fighting for." - Hillary Rodham Clinton, April 7, 2008

I won't deny I was a huge Hillary supporter. I thought she would be the one to fix this country. Needless to say, she is not a choice. So I have been considering my two options very carefully - Barack Obama & John McCain. 8 years ago I would have loved McCain. So I wanted to see what he had to show me. Then he chose Palin as a running mate. Hmmm....Maybe I am missing something? Well, the VP debate was not one I was going to miss - for my own education but also for the high entertainment value.

Palin represented herself well, but the fact that she admitted that she may not answer the questions the moderator or audience wanted her to I knew - this woman cannot be a heartbeat away from the presidency. Good try on her part trying to make herself look like me - you know, middle class, same challenges, same beliefs, "six pack joe and the hockey moms". I do not relate to either of those. What about the thousands of mid-thirties women like me? Working in a good job, kids, married or divorced, raised with the belief that my generation would break the glass ceiling for women and change this world forever so do not settle, pretty well educated, strong and independent. As much as she wants to relate to me - there is a gap that I admittedly cannot eloquently or intellectually describe. It is a visceral emotional response. But I trust my instincts. This is not the woman for our country - hence, McCain is not the man.

Biden's experience impresses me. His admittance to not always making the right decision, but he has the willingness to change as circumstances dictate. He was good at throwing back at Palin his roots and his challenge. Take that sexism - men have feelings and struggles too!! He had pretty straight answers, defined his role, hit the remark on Cheney on the head and has my vote.

God bless this nation as we endeavor to be a better people and citizen of the world.

Timing may just be everything

"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love." - Mother Teresa

Dream a Little Dream

"They say dreams are the windows of the soul -- take a peek and you can see the inner workings, the nuts and bolts." - Henry Bromel, Northern Exposure, The Big Kiss, 1991

If this is indeed true, I think I need some serious professional help. My dreams as of late have been all over the board and real feeling and leaving me tired when I wake up after a solid 8 hours. Last night was no different. You would have thought that after a fantastic massage from J that I would drift off into la-la land peaceful and full of dreamy bliss. Well, me too! Perhaps if I stayed on the table and did not have to get in the car and drive home 40 minutes it would have stuck.

Last night's dream had me at a seaside camp area with some friends and people I did not know. The kids were not with me, and thank god, as Hurricane Ike came through and I was suddenly thrown off the boat my a wave (not sure how I got on the boat, but dreams being what they are I appeared on a boat). Waves upon waves kept slamming down on me until I found a stray kayak of sorts and held onto that and floated to safety, which was a church hall that was holding a rummage sale. Once I found my way back to my friends I panicked, not knowing where the kids were. At this point I found myself sitting straight up in bed, somewhat awake, the clock reading 4:18am. I laid back down and in my dream was assured that they were safe at their Nana's by their Aunt E who was suddenly in the dream. And so this was just part of my night...

A few nights ago I had a dream that I was trapped in a haunted house. Not a Halloween set like haunted house for amusement - a 'real' one. These dreams terrify me and stay with me for days.

*shiver* I think I have to start drinking some warm milk before bedtime. Or stop watching my DVR'ed shows like Heroes and Fringe before bed because obviously my imagination is in high gear.

What I Did For Love

"Gone, Love is never gone.
As we travel on, Love's what we'll remember." - 'What I Did For Love', A Chorus Line

Last night I had the pleasure of attending A Chorus Line at the Boston Opera House with A. The show was very well done and I enjoyed myself tremendously. As always, it was a fantastic girls night out with A. She really is the best date ever.

We were able to get into Boston a little early to enjoy some dessert at Felt. Felt would not be my first choice for enjoying dessert when in Boston, Finale would be (oh my!). But Felt was convenient and they had chocolate lava cake and fried cheesecake on the menu - neither particularly memorable, but I was there for the company which made it delicious!

After enjoying sweets we walked next door to the Opera House. The Opera House is a beautiful theatre and they did a masterful job in rejuvenating it to match its original splendor. It is big, but more intimate than the Wang. Not a big crowd on a Tuesday night so our seats were moved closer to row C from our original I in the mezzanine. For a show with a lot of choreography I enjoy being a little above the stage to see the formations. And this did not disappoint.

None of the individual performances stood out to me. A good ensemble cast. Morales was my favorite, always has been my favorite character and I was happy that the understudy delivered. Cassie I found to be the weakest, which disappointed me a little. With her solo Music & the Mirror when she is convincing the director, her ex, to put her back in the chorus line, I did not see any fire. All I saw was the reason why she did not make it in Hollywood when she tried. But...it did not ruin it for me.

All the songs were like old friends. I cannot remember what I ate during any given day, but the lyrics and emotions of these songs came to my mind so readily, as if they have been waiting there for the chance to visit again for years.

My favorite part, that still moves me, was the use of the back wall of mirrors. If you focus, as A did, on the performers you do not notice it. But if you direct your attention to the back wall - it is a different show and a perspective, I think, the director captured perfectly. As I watched some of the scenes from this perspective I felt a butterfly within me fluttering. I could feel what those actors were possible feeling being on the stage, looking out over the audience, the shared energy, the give and take and the thrill to be blessed with giving a performance. I miss it. I miss it a lot. And I hope to God one day I can experience it again. Theatre is a part of my soul that I buried a little and every once in a while I am reminded of what a big part of what makes me so me it is. It feels like a past life long buried, as none of my present day friends have ever seen me on stage or involved in a production. The memory lives with just me. Gosh, the things they might learn - like how I tend to sleep walk a lot during dress rehearsal weeks. oy! Surprisingly, all of these renewed memories and feelings do not make me sad. On the contrary, I feel a bit revived remembering more of who I am.

So last night's performance was grand and I truly enjoyed it. As stated, no blow out performances but a solid ensemble production that reminds us all of what and why we do things for love.

Bravo!

Now...come November 23rd - Spamelot!

Green Thumb

"Give me odorous at sunrise a garden of beautiful flowers where I can walk undisturbed." - Walt Whitman

Until very recently, I would have said that I have a black thumb. I am good with kids. I am good with animals. But with plants and garden, things have never gone well. I think my black thumb is becoming a little greener though.

When we moved in May, my lovely neighbor, Doreen, gave Pickle and I some ivy plant cuttings. There 3 cuttings in the small vase, about 5-6 inches in length at the time. I planted them in a small pot and it sits on my front window sill now with my collection of glassworks. Well! Has it grown!



I find myself weaving the branches along the windowsill every week as it continues to grow. In its glory now I feel it deserves a better pot to live in. I will have to take care of that.

Another plant that I keep above my kitchen sink has also taken root and blossomed (pun intended) since my divorce - which, yes, I take as full blown symbolism. How can you not? anyways...it was a clipping from many years ago from A, and now it too needs some re-potting and addressing as it creeps closer to the kitchen sink. The dots on the leaves I think are the results of stray soap bubbles.



Granted our pumpkin plant ALMOST had a wee pumpkin until the squirrel got to it and the entire plant. But our marigolds were plentiful and gorgeous.

Looking forward to next spring where Pickle and I will plant more seeds and cultivate a bigger garden full of smiles and colors - cause looks like things are taking a turn for the better.

P.S. - if you have any advice on successfully re-potting plants pass them along. I would hate a post here in a month or so with an RIP.

QoTD

"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."

- P.J. O'Rourke (1947 - )

I am just past the half way mark in The Poisonwood Bible and it really is pulling me in more and more. But now I am looking ahead at my next book as I do not want this momentum to end. Not to mention I have to put my new shiny library card to good use! I usually do not do library books because I am notorious for not returning them on time - but with my efforts to be better with my budget it is likely a good idea. Not to mention, with the 2 times I have moved in the last 2 years I found moving my books the most cumbersome. I purged many of them, except those that I would feel incomplete without them nearby. One day I will have those ceiling to floor built-in bookshelves and all the books my heart desires plus some to just make me look smart and witty.

Any recommendations out there on what to put on my Winter reading list? My next book will be No Reservations, by Anthony - last name fails me right now. I will come back and edit. He is a chef that travels and tries 'odd' foods and cultures. That is the November book for the book club I want to check out in town. From there I have nothing on deck. I enjoy reading everything but non-fiction and pulp mystery ala Crighton. Look forward to what you have to share!

Child's Play

"If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm." - Bruce Barton

I did something very, very selfish this weekend. I spent the entire weekend with my kids. Friday night we went to A's and had dinner and a play date. A play date which involved me and my best friend re-connecting after about 3 weeks of not seeing each other while the kids ran around. Then Saturday, after gymnastics class we rented a couple of Wii games at Blockbusters and went home to spend the rainy day playing video games, board games, watching movies and doing some chores around the house. Lunch was sitting at the counter laughing over some hot dogs and cheeseburgers. Then I had insomnia Saturday night, but Sunday we all awoke and decided to take a field trip to the Boston Children's Museum. It was a grand idea and we had a fantastic time! We have not been to the museum since they re-designed it. Let me tell you, there is a climbing structure there now that New Balance sponsored and it is fabulous! The only problem with it is that no adults allowed. Here's a shot of it from the view on the ground...

It looks loose, but it is solid and going no where! The tops of the boards are covered in carpet. The whole thing is a big puzzle for the kids to go up and down. Only two ways out for safety - the bottom and at the top on the stairwell that is manned at the trap door. You can only get out if your parent/guardian is there. When mine came out there a 3rd kid got out too and I had to point out that he was not mine. Back in he went!

It was just so much fun to watch the kids explore and chase one another and me try to find them as the climbed about. I am not a climb the side of the mountain kind of gal like my friend D is, but this type of spelunking climbing thrills me! How D does what he does confounds me. I think he is part spider monkey...but that is a different story...

The rest of the museum was fun too with a lovely exhibit on China and the usual bubble play area. Sadly the Japan house was closed - we always love that too. And on the walk to and from the museum we marveled at the planes taking off from Logan that seemed to disappear in the clouds only to re-appear higher in the sky. And the Boston skyline is gorgeous from that side of the river. We had such a good time dodging rain drops too.

One of the many things that I am proud of with my kids is how they like to learn about new places and how different people live. It is a passion of my own, so to share that with them means a great deal. Mo adores the Great Wall of China. I have promised myself that one day I will take him there. Pickle has a thing about Paris. Likely some fairy tale image of high fashion and romance. OK, me too. We'll go there as well one day.

Oh, and Mo kicked my butt at light saber duels in "Star Wars Unleashed" on the Wii. So, very, sad.

It was an amazing weekend re-connecting with my children who are just growing up way too fast. I was sad to bring them to school today. They will be with their dad until I see them Thursday night. Mo's birthday is Saturday - he turns 8. Where did the years go? But it is weekends and moments that we shared that will slow it all down in my heart.


Here's a closing shot of them in the climb structure chasing each other. I can still hear Pickle's giggle as she dodged her brother time and again. :)

I remember great days like this with my parents. I hope they will too.